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I am not in control

September 17th, 2010 at 11:30 am

Thanks for the well wishes everyone.

My mom called last night and asked if I was ok. I was a little surprised and said "yes, why wouldn't I be?" She said sometimes bad news hits people hard later. I will admit I had a few catch your breath moments when I went to bed, but they were short. I guess I come accross as very calm and accepting and I am - mostly. I've had almost a month to think about the fact that I might have cancer and while I hoped the whole time it wasn't so, I knew it probably was.

I could react in several ways to the news. I could just ignore it and hope the cancer goes away on it's own. But most likely it will just get worse and probably spread to other organs.

I could fret and worry over the situation. What if they take the wrong kidney in the operation? What if something else goes wrong in the operation, like the last time? What if I have kidney problems in the future? This is one of my biggest worries. Since I have diabetes. Right now the dr said my kidney function is perfect, better than his. So if I control my diabetes I shouldn't have to worry. However, if I have another kidney stone, I have to get to a hospital immediately since I will be in kidney failure.

I could become depressed and cry about it. Why me? What did I do to deserve this? This isn't fair.

Instead I realize that this is something where I have no control. And since I have no control, then I am going to do what the dr's suggest and assume everything will turn out fine. I just have to get through the process and then I'll be healthy again and can get on with my life. I'll try not to worry about it and have a positive attitude - like going to the dentist - I don't like it, I wish it was different but I have to do it. I'm not going to drive myself nuts with worrying and fretting. I'm grateful it's not worse.

I got my townhome insurance bill yesterday. It went up $22+ over 16%. That's a big increase. I don't know how the government justifies there inflation numbers. They say there is virtually no inflation or only 2 - 3% and yet most of my bills go up 5 - 15%. Plus the cost of food, gas and other items goes up regularly also.

I finished reading my book Lion's Heat by Lora Leigh. Paranormal - very good.

8 Responses to “I am not in control”

  1. Ima saver Says:

    I think everything will tune out fine too!! You have a good attitude!!

  2. Joan.of.the.Arch Says:

    Your mom might be having a hard time. If so, I hope you can assure her that these operations are pretty much perfected now and that anything going wrong is very unlikely, plus your prospects for the future are rosy. I think that is the truth.

  3. MonkeyMama Says:

    I also think anyone who has dealt with cancer, knows that it can really run the gammit. From "not much to worry about" to "days to live." Even just the word tumor illicits a lot of fear in people, when it may be something benign and extremely treatable.

    I am sorry to hear the news, but I think overall it does sound more good than bad. Of course, the only thing that really matters is that you remain positive, and it sound like you are doing that just fine. (I am sure you have your own recent ordeal to keep things in perspective. Though it is all related, maybe the worst is over?).

    Moms do take news like this extremely hard. I'll just hope she doesn't drive you nuts with her own worries.

  4. baselle Says:

    Panicking isn't going to help any, even seeing the glass as half empty isn't going to help any either. Taking care of yourself physically and mentally to keep an issue from happening and to keep you strong should you need more surgery will help.

  5. ceejay74 Says:

    Your attitude is quite admirable! I throw the biggest fits over the smallest ailments and always make too much of it. Your way is much better; I waste time worrying when I could be enjoying the life that I do have.

    I've heard that optimism and a fighting spirit can help the body recover. Maybe it's because as baselle says, you keep your wits about you and make smart decisions that help you get better. Whatever it is, I hope it helps you!

  6. Thrifty Ray Says:

    This is one of those occasions where your emotions may run the gamut- and thats OK. Take care of yourself and stay strong- and remember that support system in your parents and your neices. And feel free to vent here- as cyberfriends there isnt much we can do but be here to listen-- but we ARE here. {{{hugs}}}

  7. FrugalTexan75 Says:

    You are having a terrific attitude, and that will be a big help in your recovery and healing process. But, like some of the others said, there may be times where you want to scream and beat your pillow up. Both really are healthy, as long as the latter one doesn't go on too long. And of course you have all of us here ready to hear you -- whether it's positive, upbeat you, or down in the doldrums you.

  8. Waterfall Says:

    Your mom's question made me cry. It sounds like what my mom would ask. You are so lucky to have her. That much support will help you get through it. I wanted to tell you that I just finished reading Blood Noir by Laurell K Hamilton. It was really good. I bought it at the airport to read after my plane was delayed 5 hours. She still keeps it interesting after 15 or so books.

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